Men's Enterprises Inc.

The Nineties . . . . 

Then,

the chauvinistic men looked down upon the chatty women deep in conversation. Many jokes have piled up one top of the other belittling this ‘women enterprise’ as if for men such trivial activities are demeaning and of course gross! 

Yet, wherever I go, at least among the Malayalis, the men talk as much if not more than their female counterparts, including myself; and louder too. The topics they indulge in – as bad if not worse than the women. If you consider one unit of air going out in speech per syllable, at least a million units of air are expelled from a male’s mouth a day! That itself is enough to trigger a global warming! 

Some love to talk loudly, or may be softly or in some other unique way exclusive to them. I listen sometime to conversation among men gab, gab, gab on and on. Sometimes they are so monotonous that it serves as a lullaby and I have caught myself nodding off to sleep. Some argue among themselves and it sounds so much like a fight. I have been whispered to convey juicy gossips. 

I have witnessed some interesting maneuvers in oral intercourse. Some like to keep reading loudly the news paper and also join in a talk with others at the same time. Some talk animatedly shaking their heads, nodding their heads to emphasize the matter, while others fling their hands all over and knock down things perching precariously on shelves, corner stands and other places or laughing and talking simultaneously making it difficult to understand, especially, a joke. The words get stretched, get cut into several bits or are not heard in the vehement expulsion of air, which is so much part of laughing. It is so exasperating that I sometimes tell them to do one at a time; either laugh or talk. Some, while talking, bring out spray of spittle along with words giving a shower bath to the unfortunate communicator. For those inebriated souls words get stuck all over their mouth. The repetition of the idea being communicated is common among such cases. Some of them talk the same idea in several languages to show off their linguistic prowess, perhaps! 

The garrulousness of men is evident in places where they flock like the buses, bus stops, restaurants and so on and so forth. Some like to beat on the thigh of the listener while they talk, which I find terribly annoying. Some try to reach the opposite sex by talking unusually loudly to the unsuspecting crony. After having delivered the message they look in the direction of the intended person, all the while the person talked to remaining a foolish gizmo. 

Some, even when they abuse you, like to give a sheepish grin so that the onlooker doesn’t get a clue as to the vileness of the language exchanged, and they wonder why the other person is scowling hideously  at the smiling person. 

Some like to explain a joke, some want a joke explained. Just Imagine! 

It takes all sorts to make the men’s world which is sometimes so hollow. Have you landed yourself in a party of teachers or engineers? If you are not in either of the profession, you will surely be excluded from the talk. Also, the so called intellectuals can hardly talk anything outside their world and utter anything other than the jargon of their profession. If at all they attempt, they either ‘ump’ a lot and pause some more before saying a full sentence. So went the conversations then . . . 

In the current times .  .   .

Now, consider yourself lucky to be in a lengthy conversation with another including your wife, if ever that happens; even luckier if you can get the message across to the other, for there is always the sudden and loud cell phone rings tone that abruptly stops the animated conversation! Then the person with the cell phone exhibits different expressions from glee to grimace and and asks herself or himself to be excused to take the call, much to the chagrin of the story teller. Some do not bother to stop to be excused, instead they start on a tirade or whatever other mode of talking, that is warranted according to their whims and those of the caller! While talking on the phone some think they need to shout to get across the long distance. By the time the conversation is over everyone overhearing it gets the idea how things are. Sometimes, the cell phone caller or the taker of the call, looks around to see the impact he has made on the people around, as if everybody has understood his importance! There are some that whisper while on the mobile, perhaps not to attract the attention of the others or for some other juicier reasons. Mostly, people look like zombies as they stare at their mobile handsets looking at the contents of the different Apps on their I-phone or Android. This they do even when they are walking down pavements! Many times I have been startled out of my wits when moving down the pavement or commuting in a metro, when someone opposite suddenly starts talking, while smiling at me. When I try to clarify if he was talking to me, he points to his ears and gestures that he is not talking to me! I grin sheepishly and he nods his head! This is  called AirPods, wireless ear phones! I am left with a question whether he was smiling at me, or was amused by something he was listening to; even the nod!

Anyone returning home from work see their family members all engaged deeply with their mobile handsets. They look at the lighted screen and acknowledge  the entrant with a "Hi there!" of a "Hi Dad!", without lifting their vision to look at the tired person standing at the door step! Undeterred the person flops on a vacant seat and takes out his/her cell! The family later goes to the posh restaurant for dinner. After acknowledging the familiar guests and giving the order to the eager waiter, the family returns to their cells and get engrossed. There's hardly any exchange of words!